it’s been a while.

so it’s been a while.

I think I was busy on focusing ‘On me’ rather than enjoying life and all the things that surround it. Before I continue, let me make a quick recap on my life. It feels like I have not written anything since the last post and it has been a while.

So here I am, I am a nurse now (finally after the tears, sweats, bunches of assignments, I did it). I have been working for two years and few months now. In total, I have been in and out of the hospital environment (not as a patient) for nearly 9 years (how I love being a health care professional!!). In those 2 years, I have been to the In-Patient Department, Out-Patient Department, and today in the In-Patient Department. I enjoyed it so far. There were days when I feel high so high, and days when I feel low so low. I don’t want to do it anymore. Starting this year as my journey in nursing will go on and on, I have the chance to share my day once a week in my university as clinical educator. I am not an expert yet, but I loved to cherish nursing student about their journey in nursing.

So, today is my first day back to hit the floor in IPD after two days off post night shift and a day at university. I was sitting for my late dinner almost talking with my nurse assistant. Then she said to me: ‘So, you must be a very good student at university right?’ Me: ‘Where are we going?’ Her: ‘I mean I did heard that you were the best student when you graduated and were also the favorite nurse?’ Me: ‘(silence, chewing food) maybe’ Her: ‘well, you know you may have inspired many people, don’t you know that?’ Me: ‘(keep chewing food) I am not sure what are we talking here’. Her: ‘Well, I just want to let you know that you have inspired some people. And when you are smiling, you are the best and joyous one.’ Me: ‘Okay! (smile plainly)’

After she left, I tried to absorb what was just happened. Sort of reflecting on how I live my life this while ago. I know I messed up a lot and I was not as I used to be. But I do enjoy that sort of whisper on my ears when someone told something good about you, and that is for me is a slap on my face.

I have been far from the me that I used to be. Those words came in just in the right time where I am thinking about what am I doing here as a nurse. Where am I heading? What is next? What is my goal? I do have some goals but those goals are not SMART oriented, or even if it is a SMART-oriented one (ps. SMART is the goal developing method nurses use), I sort of loose hope!

I feel like I am on the bottom part of my cycle of life where I am just on my lowest part of my life. Then I remember, the laugh a patient after Brain Tumor removal and set of radiations gave to me as we try to learn on drinking water using a straw but she just can’t do it and need her NGT to be kept in here nose where it is at currently. She just burst in laugh and said ‘I give it a time but I will keep trying little by little each day’. So, that is what I need to practice to for myself.

Little by little, keep going, keep doing, keep trying. If I have made it to finish my nursing school well, I have to keep doing well everyday until the end.

~I don’t know what lies ahead but I do know who holds my hands and secure my future for me. JESUS.~

Keep it up girl!