it’s been a while.

so it’s been a while.

I think I was busy on focusing ‘On me’ rather than enjoying life and all the things that surround it. Before I continue, let me make a quick recap on my life. It feels like I have not written anything since the last post and it has been a while.

So here I am, I am a nurse now (finally after the tears, sweats, bunches of assignments, I did it). I have been working for two years and few months now. In total, I have been in and out of the hospital environment (not as a patient) for nearly 9 years (how I love being a health care professional!!). In those 2 years, I have been to the In-Patient Department, Out-Patient Department, and today in the In-Patient Department. I enjoyed it so far. There were days when I feel high so high, and days when I feel low so low. I don’t want to do it anymore. Starting this year as my journey in nursing will go on and on, I have the chance to share my day once a week in my university as clinical educator. I am not an expert yet, but I loved to cherish nursing student about their journey in nursing.

So, today is my first day back to hit the floor in IPD after two days off post night shift and a day at university. I was sitting for my late dinner almost talking with my nurse assistant. Then she said to me: ‘So, you must be a very good student at university right?’ Me: ‘Where are we going?’ Her: ‘I mean I did heard that you were the best student when you graduated and were also the favorite nurse?’ Me: ‘(silence, chewing food) maybe’ Her: ‘well, you know you may have inspired many people, don’t you know that?’ Me: ‘(keep chewing food) I am not sure what are we talking here’. Her: ‘Well, I just want to let you know that you have inspired some people. And when you are smiling, you are the best and joyous one.’ Me: ‘Okay! (smile plainly)’

After she left, I tried to absorb what was just happened. Sort of reflecting on how I live my life this while ago. I know I messed up a lot and I was not as I used to be. But I do enjoy that sort of whisper on my ears when someone told something good about you, and that is for me is a slap on my face.

I have been far from the me that I used to be. Those words came in just in the right time where I am thinking about what am I doing here as a nurse. Where am I heading? What is next? What is my goal? I do have some goals but those goals are not SMART oriented, or even if it is a SMART-oriented one (ps. SMART is the goal developing method nurses use), I sort of loose hope!

I feel like I am on the bottom part of my cycle of life where I am just on my lowest part of my life. Then I remember, the laugh a patient after Brain Tumor removal and set of radiations gave to me as we try to learn on drinking water using a straw but she just can’t do it and need her NGT to be kept in here nose where it is at currently. She just burst in laugh and said ‘I give it a time but I will keep trying little by little each day’. So, that is what I need to practice to for myself.

Little by little, keep going, keep doing, keep trying. If I have made it to finish my nursing school well, I have to keep doing well everyday until the end.

~I don’t know what lies ahead but I do know who holds my hands and secure my future for me. JESUS.~

Keep it up girl!

Another picture of LOVE

I remember watched a two-hour movie titled “LOVE SICK” with my sisters in the dorm. It was a very simple movie but it sort of kicked me in my gut. It brought me a new perspective about love. Love is something that will never run away from us. It is there and when it is our time to experience it we can never say no or run away. :) It also shows how a gentleman needs to be gentleman in order to win the lady’s heart! ;)

Anyway, this reminds me of my dear friend. :) the dear friend of mine that always with me. ;) cheer me up, irritating me, filled my phone’s inbox, shared things with me, AND OF COURSE colonized my bed in the dorm. She is a lovely lady! I met her 3 years ago. She was so arrogant, I can’t speak to her, and I need my every courage to let her take what I am saying to her. She is like my mom, famous around boys, so I know that she has many loves story that I just can’t understand how love could so easily come to her. :) She is the booster around to other girls in the group, if she says yes then all other will be yes, if she says no then it’ll be a no for all. :(

Well, thanks Jesus that she is so different now! She has become somebody else that is so much better than she is used to be.

A man praised her one day and thanked me because now she is a cheerful and wise lady. (this man was the reason why I wrote this). He should not be thanking to me, because truly I never do anything to her. I ignore her all the time, make her mad, and be busy with my life! She hates me so for this but she has grown stronger each day. ;)

Alright, the man is my friend. I don’t know how this lady and this man met but the world is just so small if God wants it to be small. :) So they are now friends. I can see that they have fall for each other but they are just arrrghh so complicated! :(

I cannot tell anything else abut this complicated story but I can write about how love is so amazing!

The lady and the man are both Catholic. They met in prayer and know that their prayers is being answered well by God in some ways that they just don’t understand how. I praise GOD when I saw them. I praise GOD when they both went away with tears on their eyes and rang me at the same time! I wasn’t even with them when they called me! I thanked GOD that how they care for each other can be seen clearly in my eyes.

I just have no idea how this story will end because GOD is the only one who has the pen and the eraser for this love story.

To my dear friend, I really want to write this:

Dear sister in Christ, I thanked God for you. I thanked God that He chose you to be with me and to grow together with me. It was a great time and wonderful memories to know you and share things with you.

As the days go by, I remember how you always be there to make sure that I know I can do things great and that you learned many things from me. Until now, I know you always try to make sure that I am confidence enough to say: ‘Yes, I have done this best thing in my life!’ because you know, I am always so not-confidence with what I did.

my dear one, THANK YOU! i have absorbs many things also from you and I can feel it. I have absorbs your stubbornness. I know I just can’t stand it if somebody say ‘No’ and ‘disagree’ with me. Thank you that you help me learned my lesson in patience and in forgiveness. Thank you that you let me learn how to love, like, admire, and let go! Thank you that you have opened my eyes to the gentleman. ;) Thank you that you have made me care more for others. :) Thank you for let me be your sister in Christ.

One day, when you walk down the aisle on your wedding day, please remember the sentence we read together in ‘our bench’ at our lovely campus. “when God wants it, in His right time, He will make your partner cross your path and be with you.”  As you walk down on that day, I know that it is your time. :) I will always be here watching you by the distance, be a 24/7 customer service agent, and let you sleep in my bed when needed. :)

I love you for what you are and you are my sister no matter what! Remember, every time you call me I know that you are the beauty and the one that I love to hear talking with me about anything!

Thank YOU, JESUS for the relationship YOU made between us. Help us to be what YOU want us to be. :)

I had this conversation with another sister in Christ.

A: Hey, isn’t it wonderful when we think about LOVE?

B: Yes, absolutely! How Jesus loves us so much!

A: True, but not only that! How He designed us, ladies, to meet the gentlemen! That part is always wonderful to me. God’s love is everywhere!

B: And which part is amazing? I know many wonderful stories in the Bible about love.

A: Can you imagine this: man always send signals if they like woman. Imagine a lighthouse. I remember standing in the front deck of a big ship in the night and I am just so confuse to see which one is the light from the lighthouse. Man’s signals towards woman are like that. As woman, we are the ship, standing on our feet making life in the seas. Lighthouse stand there in the land, and as a ship we need to come to the land to sell and buy things for living. The environment, the sun and the moon are God’s love! with the help of the sun, we can see the lighthouse in the daytime and know it in the night by the help of the moon. If it is God’s willing, we will approach the lighthouse soon. ;)

B: Kakaaak, that’s true! Never think about that but that is true! absolutely true! And above all it is GOD that loves us so much! He is the amazing love, He was born naturally for something supernaturally that we may become HIS children! :) LOVE IS SO AMAZING!

Thanks Jesus that YOUR LOVE is so amazing! :)